☆ as long as I have my love

everything doesn’t happen for a reason 

i refuse to justify the pain I come to bear 

there’s an abundance of grace within me that tends to fall into undeserving hands 

but am I allowed to feel hurt if I’m the one who places it there ? 

I get tired of having to start over in life 

I’ve done it too many times 

by now , it must be my fault 

I rebuild myself so often 

I lose count 

I’m the one that leads myself down that path…

I must like it , huh ? 

with a heart like mine

with a love like this  

with a mind I have 

I’ll always end up losing 

so who needs enemies , right ? 

I love being alone

it scares me how sure I am of that

i could walk through life without needing anyone 

and I’ll still have my sanity intact 

but I’m flawed,

‘cause the voice of my wants are lodged in the back of my mind —

a whisper so loud, 

it echoes like a vow I can’t leave behind

no amount of growth 

could make me utter 

 “I’m grateful” 

for what I’ve endured. 

I have rooms with sealed doors in my head 

and yes , I’ll “overshare” 

but all of it is always carefully measured 

with nothing worth meaning ever slipping through

yet they’ll believe I’m an open book 

in the end,

it’s not that I “deserve it”

if you owned the heart I hold 

you to would “lose yourself” a thousand times 

and make sure to add another nine at the nine hundred ninety-nine mark

if it meant you’d have to give it up